At RSC there is a tradition called secret sophomore week where freshmen form small groups and have a corresponding group of sophomores who anonymously give them tasks each night that must be done the following way.  This usually involves making a costume or wearing a sign with a question on it and if anyone asks you that question you must give the predetermined answer, but the real fun starts when you have to do a performance in the dining hall during dinner.  Honestly it is a week of freshmen hazing that they are not allowed to call hazing because that would be illegal.  And you know that it is not hazing because we signed a contract.  That is right, in order to participate in this tradition we had to sign a contract saying that this was not interfering with our studies, we were not doing anything dangerous, we were not doing anything with alcohol, and we were not doing anything embarrassing.  

First off, this should be a red flag that we have to sign something like this, second its total BS.  Now the first three parts of the contract I understand, the school has to say that, but the part about it being embarrassing is ridiculous.  That is why this tradition continues. No one is forced to participate, but first years do it so that way they have a shared experience with their classmates and the upper classwomen.  We do embarrassing things and then next year we turn around and do it the new kids.  Having us sign a contract that says we won’t do anything that embarrasses us is like going to a strip club and signing a contract that says you won’t look at any naked people.  

The first night we received our task to dress up as current celebrities that were once part of the Mickey Mouse Club.  I was Ryan Gosling (the guy from The Notebook), the two other guys in my group were Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez (from *NSYNC), and our one lady member was Britney Spears (from Britney Spears, duh).  So this brought up the question, how do I portray the gorgeous heart throb that is Ryan Gosling?  After thinking about it the answer was really quite simple: make up beard and wear soaking wet clothing.  

In addition to the costume I also had to wear a sign that said “Ask me what I’ve been doing this past year.”  And when anyone asked me I had to respond, “I wrote you 365 letters, I wrote you every day for a year!  It wasn’t over, it still isn’t over.  Sex scene.” Ok, I added that last part, but I think it was essential to get to the core of the godly Adonis that is Ryan Gosling…no homo. Then the cherry on top of that day’s challenge was that we had to perform the Mickey Mouse March at dinner.  Now while most people dreaded doing the dinner performances, I was in a group of three musical theatre majors (and friend).  We loved it.  The only issue was that it was the Mickey Mouse March.  That is kind of a boring song.  A dance to that song would undoubtably have so much smiling and cheesy steps that it would make me vomit rainbows and unicorns.  So I had to do the only thing I could, drop a beat and rap that shit.  If you are wondering what an a cappella rap version of the Mickey Mouse March sounds like it’s on facebook.  

The next day was a much tamer challenge.  All we had to do was dress up as Hey Arnold characters.  At first I was super excited to go as Arnold, because he wears a kilt, and I owned a kilt.  Then someone pointed that it wasn’t a kilt and that Arnold was just wearing a plaid shirt that went out from under his sweater to about his knees.  Needless to say I was completely devastated.  Arnold was my kilt role modal.  Any time I was made fun of for wearing a kilt I just told myself, if Arnold could do it I could too.  But now he is just a kid with a tiny hat and misshapen head.  

Finally on day number three it happened.  The day I had been dreading, but knew would happen.  Dressing in drag.  Our task, Spice Girls.  We had to dress up as the Spice Girls and then perform “Wannabe” at dinner.  Now of course all of us wanted to be Sporty Spice because she wears pants and it was cold outside, but of course, the one women in our group already claimed Sporty and I ended up with Posh.  At first I wondered how I was going to find a dress, but then realized then if it means men dressing up in drag, women are very generous with lending out their clothes.  I even tried to get some heels, but apparently not too many women have size 13 feet.  Again, the performance was pretty awesome, and again, you should check it out on facebook.

The forth day was without incident.  I can hardly remember what I even did.  I have a faint memory of dressing up as Colonel Sanders.  This was the point in the week where I was just doing it to say that I did it.  I mean how can anything top going in drag?  No costume could top my little black dress.  

The final task really appealed to my musical theatre side.  All week I was hoping for something like La Vie Boheme or Defying Gravity to perform at dinner.  We didn’t get anything quite that awesome, but we did get Glee.  We had to dress up as Glee characters and perform the song Loser Like Me.  Naturally being the manliest person in the group I was Finn.  This really isn’t an impressive feat, being the manliest musical theatre major is like being the brightest crayon in a box filled with brown crayons.  A large portion of that day was spent rehearsing with my group the dance that I choreographed.  At dinner we danced for the last time and ended it by throwing cups of glitter at the audience.  I thought of it as a little “thanks for taking pleasure at our humiliation, now enjoy this, the herpes of craft supplies, you terrible, terrible people.”  After throwing the glitter I felt a huge burden lift from my shoulders.  Secret Sophomore Week was over and I had a full year to think of glorious things to embarrass my first years with.  

PS: Merry Christmas Melissa, now GTFO MY BALLS!

Yes, this is a picture of my girlfriend getting to 2nd base.

Sorry it’s been so long since I have had a legitimate post.  I have just been super busy with classes and rehearsal, but now I am back and it feels great.  

Now for those of you who don’t know what nom noms are, well you are in for a treat.  It is a magical word that is both a adjective, noun, and verb, but whatever form you use, it is about food.  It can be used to mean hungry as in “I am rally nom nom,” or for the verb eat, “I want to go nom nom,” or for the word food, “lets go get some nom noms,” or all three like, “I am so nom nom, lets go nom nom some nom noms.”

I know what some of you are thinking, after two weeks of classes all this guy can think to write about is sex and food.  But in case you forgot it is to be expected because I have a penis.  God it feels good to write that again.  It has been like two weeks since I have written the word penis.  PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! All right, now that I have that out of my system I will continue.  As many a wise men have said, the way to a man’s heart, is through his PENIS!  Sorry, I guess I had one more in me.  I meant stomach.  And if that is true, which it totally is, the Russell Sage dinning hall, McKinstry, leaves me heart broken some days.  

My biggest issue is trying to eat reasonably healthy foods as too avoid the freshmen 15.  At first my goal to avoid the freshmen 15 was to go to the gym once or twice a week, I then realized that would mean cutting into my sleep time, something I simply will not abide by.  So healthy food it is.  The problem is that McKinstry is about as stocked with good healthy food as Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.  The fish and chicken are usually dry and the veggies are either raw or cooked to mush.  Now I won’t deny that there are the occasional gems, like a great stir fry, or sea food mac ‘n cheese, but these happen once or twice a week at most.  There is also a decent salad bar.  But the thing is I am not a cow, I cannot live off of leaves and shredded carrots (which is odd because cow is used as an insult for fat people, but cows, when left to their own devices eat rather healthily…I think, I am not familiar with the nutrition value of grass).  Quite on the contrary to being a salad eating cow, I am a man, I eat the salad eating cow! 

Fortunately if you don’t mind eating unhealthy food McKinstry is totally fine.  They have pretty good pizza, and their burgers are consistently decent, and for breakfast they have bacon, every day!  How am I supposed to eat well if there is bacon every day!?Some people have suggested that I should choose not to eat it, but they have not explained how.  If there is bacon available, I feel a moral obligation to eat it.  It was like when god was making all the animals he got to the pig and decided “when ever someone is messy or gross or fat or unpleasant they will be compared to you, but in exchange, I am going to make you so fucking delicious that people will clog up their arteries and risk coronary disease just to taste you!”  In retrospect, they were both bad things because now pigs get made fun of and are killed for food.  But that is enough about bacon, for more see Jim Gaffigan, he is an expert on the subject.  

So for breakfast they always have your standard spread, bagels, cereal, eggs, BACON, home fries, and the ever popular, make your own waffle.  Now I do love waffles but I have a serious problem with McKinstry’s waffle maker.  Whenever it is done it makes the beep beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep sound of a heart monitor flatlining.  Every time I hear it I think someone just died, then I wonder why someone who is hooked up to a heart monitor would be in McKinstry, and then realize that it isn’t a person flatlining, it is the waffle! So every time I hear it feel obligated to run across the hall screaming “get me a crash cart and 250mL of maple syrup! Stat!”  I just never get there in time to save that poor, poor, waffle.  

Now occasionally McKinstry has theme nights, which just confuse me.  The one we recently had was…I have no idea.  They played some jazzesque music and tacked up some nets as if cheap decorations would make us not question the food.  Personally I am offended that they think we are so easily distrac— ooooo shinny! 

The other odd thing is on weekends the dining hall isn’t open for separate breakfast, lunch and dinner times, but just one stretch from 10 to 6 or something like that.  So when I get there around 11:30 they are usually in the middle of switching from breakfast to lunch, so I never know what meal to get.  I can get pizza and cereal, a burger and a waffle, but usually I just try to get something healthy…with bacon.

I started this blog for a few reasons.  One was that I could keep my friends and family that I don’t get to see much anymore updated on my life at college.  Another was just a place to organize my thoughts and express my personal feelings in a fun way that maybe I could look back on in 20 years and remember my college days. A third was to develop my skills as a comedic writer.  I have learned that I have a talent for translating my humor to the page and I thought this experience would be a great source of material.  Now for all of the people who read my blog for those reasons, I am sorry to disappoint you, this post will not be entertaining, but what I am going to say needs to be said.

Apparently some people who have read my blog have found issue with it.  For one reason or another they felt that it was inappropriate.  Let me start by saying it was never my intention to offend any of my classmates or to be disrespectful to them and this school.  I poke fun at myself just as much as anyone else in the blog, and yes, I have probably made fun of certain individuals that I do not know, but if you ever turn on comedy central, you will see comedians telling funny stories about random people they met doing stupid things.  Comedy has the occupational hazard of sometimes balancing on the edge of humor and insult and I try my hardest to make it funny and not insulting.  

To the people who have this problem with The XX Files, I would like to know a few things.  Why have I not heard any complaints before my room mate and I went to banner night to see our class banner reveled, something we did with the Dean’s permission?  I have not had a new post in over a week, but the only complaints seem to have come after Tuesday.  Also why have I not been confronted by anyone who has a problem with my posts?  Only one person has said anything to me about their issues with my writing, and I have a ton of respect for her because she did so.  No one else has said “hey, I was hurt by what you wrote” or “I thought what you said was really unfair” instead I find out through a lot of he said she said that my words are being used as an argument for why the MAAPs are disrespectful and should not be allowed to participate in Russell Sage traditions.  

When I first came to RSC I was thrilled by how accepting everyone was of me and was ecstatic when I found out that we could be a part of the traditions.  I had a lot of fun at Banner Night and did not even realize that anyone cared that I was there.  I then find out the next day that an email was sent out to the Sophomore class by their class president that described what happened in such a way that made it seem that the MAAPs had done something horrible like wipe our ass on the banner, when we were just participating like everyone else.  I was so hurt to hear how people were talking about us like we aren’t a part of this school, that we don’t love this school as much as the women.  Just because I sing the Alma Mater an octave lower, doesn’t make it mean any less.  And only after this event do people seem to have a problem with my words.  

Now I invite everyone, a chance to come clean.  If you have an issue with me, please talk to me about it and don’t try to go over my head.  All I want, is to be accepted as a part of this school like everyone else and have the same rights as all Russell Sage students.  My email address is mcfadm@sage.edu  please tell me what you don’t like about my blog, or my presence at traditions and maybe we can at least come to an understanding.  

On a different note I would like to make sure everyone knows that the only way I am able to emotionally deal with this discrimination is that I know there are substantially more people in support of my presence.  My friends have been there for me through this entire ordeal, students from both inside and out of my major as well as in all classes, and I love them for it.  So I ask all of the people in support of the MAAPs and my work to also drop me a line as well.  Thank you so much.  

PS- I hate to state the obvious, but if you don’t like my blog, don’t read it.  I am not making anyone read it.  I gave the address to my friends and people who I thought would enjoy it.  I don’t print it out and tack it to bulletin boards, no one has to read it unless they are actively searching for it. 

Now that i’ve got your attention, i’m going to talk about people talking about sex.  Before I begin I must inform readers of the lengths I had to go to in order to ensure I didn’t forget any of the hilarious details.  I was sitting in the room with all of my fellow first years, not just watching and listening to the presentation, but fervently taking notes, in plain sight of everyone.  On several occasions I thought I saw someone glance at me and could not help but imagine what they must be thinking.  “oh my god, does he really not know anything about sex? What is he writing down?  I bet he is taking notes on how to put on a condom and what a clitoris is”  I could literally feel my chances at possibly finding a girlfriend slip away.  But I endured!  And all for my readers, so that they may not be cheated out of any precious detail! You’re welcome.

The first seminar I went to was like a Sesame St. version of sex ed.  I got there a little bit late, but just in time to here the ending to a joke about a gold, silver, and bronze condom and the woman wanting the silver condom so that he would come in second for once (it’s funny because come and cum are homophones).  The two people leading it were very reminiscent of cartoon characters.  There was a man and a women, the man had a voice that reminded me very much of Mr. Mackey from South Park.  I honestly was surprised every time he didn’t end a sentence with “mmm kay?” And the woman had this enthusiasm that would make Elmo jealous.  By the time I had found a seat the two were rattling off rhyming slogans to promote abstinence.  These force me to wonder, do these slogans actually do anything?  Is there really someone who was thinking about having sex and then decided “you know what, I won’t hop into bed until i’m wed” or “first i’ll find the one, then i’ll have some fun.”  I have never listened to a speech and been persuaded by their interesting rhyme scheme.  Frankly rhyme is not a very effective rhetorical device.

After they gave up on the abstinence angle they moved on the tips for safe sex, but they tried to make it more interesting by calling it “How to be a Great Lover”.  I suppose this is supposed to peak our interest, make us think that we will learn some great new sex position, only to be disappointed when it turned into a “how to” on the female condom.  One of the first safe sex tips was to keep your supplies nearby where you will be having sex.  Now I have never been in this situation myself, but according to them sometimes if it is getting really hot and heavy walking across the room for a condom can be just too much of a hassle.  So if your rubbers aren’t in arms reach I guess the man is going in raw dog. 

Now looking back through my notes I see this one little line and I remember Mr. Mackey talking about it, but for the life of me cannot figure out how it related to anything.    The note is “semen jet”.  He actually described ejaculation as a semen jet because apparently men cum at 45mph.  Now I find this particularly difficult to believe, partially due to the fact that that sounds like it would blow the condom right off.  I mean to put that speed into perspective that is about one and a half times faster than the fastest recorded human runner, and only half as fast as a DeLorean needs to travel to go back in time, assuming it has a functioning flux capacitor.

The next thing they talked about was how there was the expectation that men always had to make the first move and bring the condoms, and how that shouldn’t be the case all the time.  Women should have the power to control their own sex lives, so they introduced their friend, the female condom.  This contraceptive devise which looks like a cross between a plastic bag and a tube sock has a few advantages.  It apparently provides more sensation for the man, and it can be inserted up to 8 hours prior to use.  The woman was explaining how this was useful because as soon as two people started getting intimate the women could slip it on so when it really got heated they could dive right in.  But hey, I’m a thinker, why stop there?  Why not put it on at the beginning of the night, then you are ready whenever.  As an added bonus if you are sexually assaulted or, god forbid, raped, than you are ready for that too.  No pregnancies, no STDs, and then you have a bag of the assailants sperm to hand over to the police for DNA testing.  Frankly it is the perfect solution, as long as the whole tube sock thing doesn’t ruin it for you.  

The next tip for being a great lover was that a great lover isn’t drunk.  Now I agree with this.  Being drunk takes away from what makes being intimate special.  And as the presenters so wisely quoted from Shakespeare, “drink provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.”  I love that quote, it is wise, witty, and regardless who doesn’t love Shakespeare? (non theatre/english majors are not allowed to answer that last rhetorical question)  The woman then asked us the question, why do college students tend to enjoy getting drunk to have sex?  There were a couple of answers of little note, but one stood out as pretty stupid, “so they won’t remember it”.  That is dumb answer because one usually doesn’t have sex with the intention of forgetting it.  The alcohol is what people use to forget about the sex after the fact.  I cannot speak from personal experience, but drinking is usually the cause of regrettable actions, not a preemptive strike against them.  But with all the answers given leave it to an all girls school to leave out the most obvious one, easier targets.  People go to parties, get drunk, have sex, and in the morning if they regret it can blame it on the alcohol.

After that exhibition into the naiveté of the female species they moved on to how to communicate in the bedroom.  Their biggest piece of advice was using the question “is this ok?”  If one person makes it obvious what they want to do and then asks, “is this ok?” it ensures that neither person ends up doing something they don’t feel comfortable with and it avoids questions like a man asking “may I insert my penis into your vagina”.  Their solution, i’m guessing, is more of a miming activity in order to communicate your intentions, and then ask for permission.  Now I suppose a touch of the thigh or a kiss on the neck can reveal a persons intentions quite well, and the succinct question “is this ok?” would be enough to move a little further into the intimacy.  But being of a more, how shall I say it, colorful imagination, I am forced to bring up the question of how do you show your intentions for the less standard activities.  Honestly I see this quickly developing into a sick game a charades with one person fervently trying to relay their sexual fantasies to their partner, all for the purpose of avoiding awkward questions that might kill the moment.  

This presentation ended with everyone being able to write a question down on a card and having the presenters answer them. I only remember two because most of them were just dumb.  One was “is it weird to think about sex more then is normal?” My answer to this would be: yes.  Doing something more than normal would be considered abnormal which is synonymous with weird.  It was a stupid question.  But of course they are not allowed to say it is a stupid question and simply said that there is no normal for how often people think about sex.  The other interesting question asked was “what turns a man on.” Being the only male student in the room at the time I really wanted to just stand up field that question myself, but I was trying to maintain a low profile for observational purposes.  They let some of the students give answers they thought of.  All of the answers were really unnecessarily complex.  They didn’t seam to realize that it really does not take much to turn a man on.  It’s how we are programed, we are pretty much good to go whenever.  One of those came suggestions came from a girl sitting about three seats down from me.  She said, “stroke his ego.” I really just wanted to lean over and say look, honey, you are trying way to hard, there is something that you should be stroking, but it sure as hell ain’t his ego.  

There was originally more to this post, but looking back I realized that what I wrote crossed the line that I try really hard not to do, which is when something stops being funny and starts being offensive.  I am incredibly sorry and want to apologize to everyone, and I promise that I will work harder at staying true to the light hearted observational humor that I love and want to create for everyone else to read.  

I have been moved into my dorm for about a week now and most of my time has been spent at rehearsals.  From nine to five my life has been “Songs for a New World” which is sort of the ADD of musicals.  The composer literally wrote songs with the intention that they were supposed to be in musicals but the shows never actually happened.  There are a bunch of songs that you can tell are a small part of something bigger, but if you are looking for that big picture, its not gonna happen in this show.  Now I actually don’t mind the show.  I think the music is fantastic and know most of the album by heart…now if I was actually in the show, everything would be perfect.  Yes, unfortunately I was not cast in the show, instead I am stage managing.  I should have seen this as a possibility, I mean the show was originally conceived to be performed by  two men and two women giving me a 50/50 chance of getting in, or when Russell Sage does it, two men and seven women, so its the same odds, but I’m not bitter *screams and punches pillow*.  But in all seriousness I think that real stage managing will be a really good experience.  When I did it at my high school, stage managing just meant doing what ever the director didn’t want to or was too lazy to do themselves, but here a stage manager actually does…a stage manager does… well a stage manager… actually I am kind of still trying to figure that out, but I am learning a lot and am sure it will be good experience.

Even though I have spent a lot of time at rehearsal I still had a decent amount of free time, at least until all the other freshmen showed up.  Sorry, first years, I am a freshMEN, but the women are first years.  For the last three days we have had random activities teaching us how to use various college services, telling us about the study abroad programs, public safety, etc. most entertaining were two discussions, one about sex, and one about sexual assault.  Fortunately/unfortunately there was so much amazingly entertaining material from those two seminars that they really do deserve there own post, so I will give it to them at a later date.  

Now while there were a lot of “mandatory” activities and meetings, due to rehearsals, a small sense of rebellion, and a very large sense of apathy, my fellow men and I skipped a large number of them.  This continued until we were confronted at a picnic by the dean who wasn’t quite angry, but at least reasonably annoyed that we had been skipping these things.  We had apparently overlooked the fact that as four men in a women’s school, our presence, or absence as the case may be, could hardly remain unnoticed for long.  So we, or at least I, reigned myself to attending the remainder of the events.  But the one event that we all made sure we attended was the taking of the class photo, where you can see all of the guys front row center wearing the delighted grin of being the center of attention you would expect from theatre majors. 

One thing that I am really glad about is that I while I was really scared that I might to hate it here, that the combination of estrogen, hair product, and tampons would overcome my defenses and leave a hapless shell of a man.  For instance just in the time i have been writing this in the common room of my dorm I have heard people talk about their periods, boobs being tender, and how they like the way certain shoes feel on their feet.  But while lesser men might have been overwhelmed by this, I found out that I am made of stronger stuff then that and am embracing it.  The people here, especially the theatre students, are actually so nice and have accepted me right into the group.  And while I was a little scared that some people would be annoyed at the presence of my y chromosome, that my presence might ruin the “all boobs all the time” atmosphere they were expecting, I actually feel a little like a celebrity.  Random people keep on friending me on facebook when I have no clue who they are.  People I have never seen come up to me and start conversation because they recognize me from one meeting or presentation.  Honestly, it’s pretty ballin’.

Be on the lookout for my post about the sex talk.  Until next time.

PS- the prospector is a dick.

One thing I have come to really enjoy about Sage is the little feminine touches to everything.  Nothing so bold as to say “YOU AND YOU PENIS ARE NOT WELCOME HERE” but just enough that I can never forget that this is supposed to be an all girls school.  When I received my invitation to freshmen orientation it was printed on the sort of pink paper with a frilly border and a spindly calligraphy font that would make Elle Woods proud.  I was half expecting it to be scented, you know, to give it that something extra.  Along with the invitation we received a flyer that described a program that is mandatory for all freshmen students called ‘Living Learning Communities’  where you take three classes over the first two semesters with the same group of people and do other out of class activities that relate to a specific theme unique to each of the different groups.  All of these groups take the classes ‘Reading Women’s Voices/Developing Our Own’ and ‘Researching Women’s Lives Across the Curriculum’.  Now I’ve made peace with the fact that at this school there will be a lot of female oriented classes and some of them will be required for all students regardless of major, but despite that I still can’t help wondering how many sexist jokes I can tell before kick me out of the classroom.  Now in the LLCs it is the third class that really differentiates the groups, there is a psychology class, sociology, nutrition, health and wellness, statistics, and a class on the global warming.  In the description for each of the six groups, four of them take the subject and focus it towards women.  Only the statistics and global warming classes didn’t use the word ‘Women’ in their description, but I can almost guarantee that if there is any proof that certain tampons have larger carbon emissions, then you will learn about it in that class. 

When I actually got to my orientation I felt really awkward.  No one really gave me any reason to, it was more my imagination telling me that I was out of place.  I kept on imaging people staring at me as I passed by and whispering “There he is! The penis wielder!  He’s not one of us!” I know that within a week of classes I will have gotten past this awkwardness, but for that one day I felt as out of place as…well…a man at an all women’s college.  Like trying to explain how sick a dog is or how tightly packed a can of sardines is, there really isn’t a better example to describe my feelings of freakishness. 

After a few introductory talks the group that I was in went on to our “team building activities” which was sort of like friendship speed dating.  About half way through, one of the girls came up to me and inquired into my situation.  She seemed very confused as to my presence, even though the Dean of Academics had mentioned the theatre apprenticeship program and the fact that there were three male musical theatre students in this class earlier that day.  But she still asked me “so you’re one of three guys here?” I simply replied “yeah” she then asked halfway between confusion and accusation, “How?” Now I found this offensive, not as a male who is having enough difficulty fitting in as it is, but as a person with a basic understanding of the English language.  What did she mean by “how?” did she want me to explain the series of events that led up to me applying and being accepted into this college? Did she want me to explain the school’s decision to set up such a program?  She could have asked: how did you hear about this school? Why did you choose this program? Or simply make a comment like I didn’t think that guys were even able to take classes here etc. but no, she just asked the nonsensical question, “how?”

At the end of the day our class reconvened to receive a “see you in a month” speech and get a bag of assorted goodies.  Now I do love a nice pink bag with a little bow that contains our summer reading book whose cover has a color scheme that is reminiscent of “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants: Part 2”.  But the drawstring bag that says “RUSSELL SAGE COLLEGE women of influence” was just a bit much.

So I probably won’t post anything until classes actually start at the end of August, but please keep reading because it validates my college decision. 

PS- I still use the “women of influence” bag.

If you have heard of the college Russell Sage, which I honestly can’t blame you if you haven’t, then you might be confused as to why I am attending because one: Russell Sage is an all girls school and two: I have a penis.  This odd situation is because Sage has a theatre program and I guess you can only do “Steel Magnolias” and “The Vagina Monologues” so many times before you need a few men to balance it out.  I first heard about this program from my theatre teacher back in 9th grade.  He tried to sell it to the men in our class by saying that it would be a great opportunity because you would get a part in every one of the shows and there would be fantastic ratios.  I put this option in the back of my head for three years until it came time to apply for colleges.  Now my penis was all for going to a women’s college, but then again I am an 18 year old boy…my penis wants me to do a lot of things and none of them are good ideas, so I told it to shut up and didn’t factor in the women folkinto my decision.  Fortunately (or unfortunately) Russell Sage was the only school that accepted me into their musical theatre program so I didn’t even have to make a choice.  Having lived through enough situations where the only appropriate response was “bitches be crazy”, coupled with the fact that Sage is about three miles away from the house I have lived in for the last ten years, I was not overly thrilled by this situation.  But I have decided to be optimistic and take this as a learning experience because isn’t that what college is about after all? So best case scenario I learn something about the female species and can share my findings with the rest of the world.  Worst case scenario the insanity of women becomes too much for me, but I’ll have some great stories.  Either way I will try my darnedest to stay active on this blog and document my adventures here in The XX Files.